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<title>dirkjake for the soul by childhood_ruins</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557380">dirkjake for the soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/childhood_ruins/pseuds/childhood_ruins'>childhood_ruins</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot, POV Dirk Strider, POV Second Person, Short One Shot, Wordcount: 100-500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:16:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/childhood_ruins/pseuds/childhood_ruins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which you’ve spent so long putting up walls that you can’t bring them down.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jake English/Dirk Strider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>dirkjake for the soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A gentle jazz ballad fades into the background as you and your boyfriend leave the dance floor. He keeps glancing at you unsubtly, so you cock your head to let him know you’re looking back at him. A smile takes his lips and an ache takes your heart. </p>
<p>  “Are you quite alright, dear?” Jake asks in a hushed tone. You turn your face ahead before it can say anything else without you noticing. He rests a hand on your shoulder.</p>
<p>  “Always,” you respond after too long.</p>
<p>  He crosses his arms. “Dirk-”</p>
<p>  “I’m alright, Jake. I got distracted.” Technically true, but he doesn’t buy it.</p>
<p>  His hand lowers to yours and he takes you to a side room. The music swells, muffled.</p>
<p>  “What’s wrong?” he asks.</p>
<p>  You shake your head. Your throat tightens with words you want to say but can’t.</p>
<p>  Jake pulls you into a hug. You’ve never gotten used to the warmth that comes with being this close - no matter how much you’ve craved it. He holds you flush with his chest. You drop your face into his shoulder while the vulnerability you never allow yourself comes back to bite you in the ass.</p>
<p>  Your arms hang limp, because something in the back of your head won’t let you reciprocate the hug. Eyes staring blankly into your shades, dry, because you can’t force them to open up after holding back for so long. Mouth neutral, because no matter how much you scream at it to say something, anything, it won’t.</p>
<p>  It won’t say “I love you.” It won’t say “I need you.” It won't say anything unless it’s underneath so many layers of irony that even you don’t know how sincere you’re being.</p>
<p>  Jake steps back, and you beg him wordlessly to linger just a moment longer. Unsurprisingly, he can’t hear the word spoken in your head. He cups your face and raises it slightly. </p>
<p>  Your eyebrows raise expectantly before you soften your expression. His eyes beam with worry and care… and if you had to guess, you’d say yours don’t.</p>
<p>  “Dirk…” he murmurs, his hand brushing your shades. “Can I?”</p>
<p>  You stiffen, then nod slightly. In a gentle motion, he lifts the shades from your face. You shut your eyes on instinct, even though the dark room wasn’t too much darker with shades on. </p>
<p>  “Tell me if I’m overstepping, old chap.” His unfailing British charm makes you smile a bit as you nod. He kisses your forehead with an aching tenderness. A shaking tenderness.</p>
<p>  You look up into his eyes. He’s transparently unsure. He doesn’t know you love him.</p>
<p>  … he doesn’t know you love him.</p>
<p>  And at this rate, he never will.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading ♥︎♥︎♥︎</p>
<p>Comments, feedback, and criticism are greatly appreciated ^ - ^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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